As simple as a refrigerator

I am just sitting here in my chair listening to the rain while I am waiting for our new refrigerator to be delivered. Ours has given us trouble for the last 5 years and it was finally time to break down and get a new one. Of course, I’m overcome with guilt. The kids had to live with a fridge that would get frozen and not produce ice for years. Now that they’re gone, this is when we decide to get a new fridge? Why did I wait so long? Why can’t they be here to enjoy a new fridge? Why should I get to be alive and well and able to enjoy it? There are so many moving parts to grief. So many rational things yet so many irrational things. Logically, I know this isn’t something I should feel guilty about. But in reality, I feel guilty.

There is a picture of me and the kids on my phone on our last mother’s day that they were here. A few seconds later, my screen went black and the picture was gone. It reminded me of the night of the tragedy. We were on our way home from Christopher’s basketball game then suddenly everything went black and they were gone. In just a split second, they were gone forever. Our lives, as we knew them, were changed forever.

I hope that if you’re reading this, and you still have all of your family alive and well, that you use this as a reminder to never take the people that you love for granted. Consider each day an opportunity to show the love of God and extend grace to others. God has work for us to do.

Whether it is boasting or worrying, God calls us to the present to live our lives in Him. God is with us here and now, to find him there can be no dreaming or worrying about tomorrow. He will be there too, and so will we when it becomes today. Matthew 6:34