Mom’s heart..

As I opened my eyes yesterday morning, the first thought that immediately came to my mind is that it’s another day without them. It was the start of a lot of crying throughout the morning. The waves of grief have been pretty big all week long. So, of course, I headed straight to my prayer closet so that I could attempt to get my head above water for the day. My “prayer closet” happens to be Lindy’s room which is bittersweet in itself. Grief tries to drown you. I have learned to be gentle with myself on hard days. I know there will always be hard days but my only goal is not to stay there. God is always faithful to see me through or sometimes even carry me through. I have never felt so broken in all of my life and that is a big statement to make, as I have not had the best childhood and have faced many things throughout my life. Nothing compares to this. But, even in my brokenness, I look for things to be thankful for. The smile on Kyle’s face during the TikTok live the other night is what comes to mind right now. I am beyond humbled and thankful for all of you that made that happen for him. After a very long day filled with tears, I began to feel a tiny bit of relief from the grief as I saw his smile begin to emerge. I am thankful for every moment that I have where I get to forget this heaviness, even though they aren’t usually longer than a few seconds. I left for Katie’s yesterday afternoon to package some of Lindy’s artwork and LCK bracelets. She took a nap after work and I surprised her by tidying up her kitchen for her. This is today’s scripture from my sister in law, Cathy:

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, You will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth You will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more. Psalm 71:20