“You’re so strong.”
Today, as I reflect on my journey trying to navigate through life after loss, many people commend me for my resilience and strength, but I know that it is not my own. I stand very weak and broken within myself. It is the power of God working within me, supporting me through each moment of weakness and healing my broken heart. Prayer has become my constant companion, a lifeline to the Lord, as I seek His guidance as He comforts me as the mama He has called me to be.
In the beginning, I felt utterly hopeless, shattered, and disappointment at a level that there are no words to accurately describe. I couldn't even find the words to call out to God. I desperately longed to restore my hope in Him, to find a reason to keep going. It's incredible how God orchestrates events to provide us with exactly what we need. He lead Ray and I to some YouTube videos featuring Dr. Mary Neil, who shared her near-death experience and the wonders of heaven. Her testimony resonated deeply with me because it gave me a deeper insight into heaven which is exactly what I needed because those whom I cherished with all my heart, my three babies, the joy of my life were now there. I needed that renewed revelation of heaven to rekindle my hope to begin to navigate through the most difficult human experience of my life. Furthermore, Dr. Neil's personal experience with profound loss connected us on a deeper level. She had lost her oldest son and God used her testimony to breathe hope back into my soul and initiate the process of rebuilding my shattered heart.
Proverbs teaches us that hope deferred makes the heart sick, but desire realized is the tree of life. This tree of life helps define our eternal purpose. God instills in us specific desires—holy and sanctified. When we remain faithful, thankful, and aligned with our purpose, these desires become a source of strength, renewing our youth like the eagle. It truly is an awe-inspiring phenomenon. The desire planted within me is to build the legacy of Lindy, Christopher and Kamryn while sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ. It’s such a beautiful thing as we reap the benefits of the desire and He gets all the glory. This desire will consume me until the day of that great reunion.
Strength is also born out of patience and waiting. There are no shortcuts when it comes to grief and the process of rebuilding. It takes time. However, if we lay our foundation upon the unshakable Word of God, we will emerge stronger than before. This journey through grief is both relational and demanding, filled with countless painful moments. We mustn't waste those moments; they are painful but priceless. It is in the depths of those valleys that we experience facets of God's presence that are unmatched anywhere else.
Today, I pray for an increased capacity to dream, for desires that are truly sanctified and holy, surpassing the natural realm. May we receive the benefits of these desires while bringing glory to God, our good and faithful Father, who deserves all the glory, honor and praise.